30 Stepping Stones

I turned 30 on the 16th of October.   A very significant day that I've been mentally preparing for since I turned 29.   A time of personal reflection, of weighing up what I've achieved compared to what I planned to achieve.  I thought about what dreams and ambitions I could still realistically pursue and which would forever remain just dreams.  Also, which of my original goals had changed and perhaps even fallen away to make way for new ones.

Mentally, it's been a busy year for me.  A year where I silently learnt alot about myself, about what's important, what's not, what I am willing to tolerate and how far I will go to achieve personal happiness.

It was also a year in which I dealt with two very tragic losses, one being the loss of my Mother.   It's a long road, the road to recovery after a tragic loss, and at times I doubted I could pull out of it and ever be happy again.  It's as if the stigma of death attached itself to you and just holds on and you live in a dark and damp place, seeing  the sun, but never feeling it, and eventually the choice is there to continue on like that, or pull yourself out of the deathly grip and take back life.  It sounds alot easier on paper, but it's a long and painfull journey that I don't think ever really ends.  It's something to be worked on each and every day. 

Anyway, enough about my sentiments on turning 30, though be assured there are more coming.

For now though, I'm still getting over the shock!