Letters To Inanimate Objects

Claire Marie at Spontaneous Delight had a wicked idea to compose letters to inamimate objects.  It tickled my fancy something awful, and I just couldn't resist.  Had a good laugh at Kirsten at Wanderlust's posts as well!

So here goes:-

Dear Car Tyre
Why do you have to be flat on the morning that it's pouring with rain?

Dear Fingernail
You just had to wait until all ten were nice and long and then you go and break and leave me with nine.
What's with that?

Dear Stomach
I tanned you.  I fed you.  I reproduced in you.  I put you on a diet so you could go flat again.   I crunched you.  I shimmied with you.  And still you bloat and make me look fat.  You ungrateful gas storer.

Dear Penis
No, you are not the king of the world. Get a haircut.

Dear Monday
I hate you.  I hate you.  I hate you.

Dear Cheesecake
You look so good I could eat you.  But I won't.  Because Stomach will probably have a problem with it.

Dear Computer
I love you.  You're my true great love and I do not know what I'd do without you.  You frustrate me when you are slow and you infuriate me when you freeze, but I just can't stay away. 

Dear Hair
Stop falling out.   We are not a dog.  We do not malt at change of seasons.  I wash you daily, I condition you regularly, you've been for a trip to the salon, I haven't coloured you for ages and ages.   You have no excuse for this.   Stop it.  Stay in my head.  Where you belong.  Okay?  Or else I'll cut you short.  Dont' think I won't. 

Lots of Love
E.D.